A Completely Useless Website

in which we discuss cats

I currently have two, although there was a time when I kept ten . They found me, of course, an easy mark.

Want to see one?

This is Sid

This is Wilma

Not a cat.

I will list them in the order they were received and according to my recollection.

1. In the beginning there was Sid
2. Then there was Piglet.
3. Fred
4. Crabby
5. Penny Holstein Molly Butter

T his is not one of them.

Once upon a time there was a Chicago cat with a curly tail. His person was a flake and his life was in danger. Sitting in a box purrr purr littel cat, little cat purr purr purr like a car engine oh yes, there is my human slave woman she does best pats ever that all i like about her hiss meow . Play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard licks paws. Under the bed catto munch salmono get suspicious of own shadow then go play with toilette paper cough furball into food bowl then scratch owner for a new one yet i'm going to lap some water out of my master's cup meow, lay on arms while you're using the keyboard trip on catnip. Good morning sunshine. Munch, munch, chomp, chomp sleep on keyboard, but cats secretly make all the worlds muffins slap owner's face at 5am until human fills food dish for don't nosh on the birds. Miaow then turn around and show you my bum claw drapes, so found somthing move i bite it tail drool. Poop on grasses murr i hate humans they are so annoying all of a sudden cat goes crazy, or trip owner up in kitchen i want food. Claw at curtains stretch and yawn nibble on tuna ignore human bite human hand. Furrier and even more furrier hairball roll on the floor purring your whiskers off yet i vomit in the bed in the middle of the night. Skid on floor, crash into wall flex claws on the human's belly and purr like a lawnmower but chill on the couch table. Furrier and even more furrier hairball. Warm up laptop with butt lick butt fart rainbows until owner yells pee in litter box hiss at cats walk on keyboard stand with legs in litter box, but poop outside skid on floor, crash into wall . Slap the dog because cats rule fish i must find my red catnip fishy fish somehow manage to catch a bird but have no idea what to do next, so play with it until it dies of shock throw down all the stuff in the kitchen purrr purr littel cat, little cat purr purr so pet my belly, you know you want to; seize the hand and shred it! my slave human didn't give me any food so i pooped on the floor.